Three things I’ve realized after joining Twitter.

29 Nov

I’ve just recently started getting involved at a higher level with web development and the tech world, and I’m quickly finding that not having a Twitter page in the tech world is like checking the basement in a horror movie.

Walking Into a Creepy Basement
Spoiler Alert: You’re dead.

What annoys me most is that I was under the assumption that Twitter was a social media for narcissistic introverts who don’t actually read anything other than their own posts (totally different than blogs); so I’ve been mostly ignoring that section of the internet. Turns out it’s essential to being awesome at the Internet.

Here are three things I’ve learned about Twitter after jumping in this late in the game.

1. You will be judged harshly on the quality of your Twitter account.

I tried to join a website by the name of Forrst which is a community of developers and designers, but in order to create an account I need to be accepted. In order to be accepted I need to fill out an invite and fulfill some requirements. Although not required, guess what’s recommended? Twitter Account.

Signing up for Forrst
It’s recommended because fuck you.

Three days before the start of high school, my friend Charlie hit me in the forehead with a rock. This meant that the first two weeks of the most influential year of my youth were spent walking around with Frankenstein stitches on the front of my face. Thank you Forrst for making me feel less cool than those first 14 days of freshman year.

I have a little over 20 followers (see lesson 2) which is roughly 0.00013% the volume of people following Justin Bieber, a pop star best known for his impersonations of a male singer. I have as many followers as I have fingers and toes. I could do one sit-up for every follower every day and still become morbidly obese. I’m just terrible at having followers.

I don’t deal well with rejection, so my application to become a member of Forrst is now on hold while I sort out my insecurities. I couldn’t get past step one because I feel like the internet’s version of the weird emo kid that cuts himself. Ironically, Forrst has made me feel like other Forrest:

Can't Sit Here
“Can’t tweet here.”

2. Most of your followers are spider robots trying to have sex with you.

I get an email anytime a new person starts following my twitter feed (read: once a month), so imagine my surprise when I received three followers all in the same day! On further inspection, all three were morally questionable females that had dirty things to say about themselves in their bios.

Twitter Sex Robot
Definitely not a spambot.

I like to believe that I’m not the most horrendous looking thing on my block, but I doubt very highly that three scandalous dressing chicks saw my profile while browsing through Twitter and decided they wanted to know more about my thoughts on cottage cheese.

What blows me away is that there are 125 people following Yelena Saintfleur. That means there are 125 people out there who are web savvy enough to create a twitter account, but not savvy enough to understand when an internet whore is a fake thing.

I have yet to delete the spambots as I desperately need followers if I ever plan on making another pass at Forrst.

3. You’ll never truly understand what Twitter is for.

This is the third time I’ve joined Twitter and the third time I’m confused by it. It’s like an ex-girlfriend that I keep getting back together with forgetting why we broke up in the first place.

Getting into a fight with your boyfriend or girlfriend
Hint: It’s because she’s racist.

I just have no idea what the value is, and I keep assuming that it’ll kind of just dawn on me as I use it more. Right now, it represents how badass I am on the internet (note: not very) and how slutty robots are. Which, for all intents and purposes, actually sounds pretty awesome.

Follow me on Twitter @MacsJF. I need to feel accepted.


35 Responses to “Three things I’ve realized after joining Twitter.”

  1. Oh God, My Wife Is German December 1, 2011 at 1:05 am #

    I feel exactly the same way about Twitter.

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 9:18 pm #

      Hahaha… Good to hear!

  2. Alicia Hill December 1, 2011 at 3:25 am #

    Twitter is that part of the internet that everybody knows about, but nobody understands why its there. Kind of like the blue ranger…

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:03 am #

      Wasn’t he the brains though? Kind of like Donatello for the Power Rangers…

      But yeah, still don’t understand why he was there.

  3. Dr. Afaq Ahmad Qureshi December 1, 2011 at 4:44 am #

    There was a lull in the cyber space for some months. Facebook was getting ‘old’ and routine, and ever increasing advertisement revenues yearned to reach some big pockets. So they sat together and invented this birdie thing. Remember even Times and Newsweek and CNN and BBC ran full length (and not so full length) programs highlighting what a wonderful thing this ‘twitter’ is going to be and how it will change the way humans have interacted (as if before this bird’s presence poor humans never communicated at their best since biblical times). I wonder all the good literature and music and paintings were given to this world without twitter or internet for that matter, so what is the urgency to join it now. But then as you said, they want it on the forms even. Oh, and you have another follower:) me.

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:26 pm #

      Interesting observations Doctor, I guess I kind of bought in right? : ) Thanks for following though!

  4. kitchenmudge December 1, 2011 at 5:44 am #

    Thank you for making me glad I don’t have a Twitter account. I also don’t have a Facebook account. Between a blog and a couple of listserves, and the bookmarks I’ve made in my browser, I’m pretty happy with my internet experience. What am I missing?

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:27 pm #

      You’re very welcome. It’s definitely starting to get a bit overwhelming… I think I’d rather focus on a couple of key social medias than have to constantly update a plethora of different mediums.

  5. fessolsandnaps December 1, 2011 at 12:48 pm #

    I recently entered to twitter world and it’s just like you said.

    If you look closely twitter is a great excuse for a jerk (not me), like all blogging and microblogging and all these tools.

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:28 pm #

      If you can’t beat ’em join ’em right? : )

  6. Rasta teacher December 1, 2011 at 1:01 pm #

    I guess I live in the dark ages of internet. I never read twitter updates nor have an account. But for that matter I have no TV either, which only seems to be a problem at discussions on what happened at the last episode of biggest looser or such programs/shows.

    Still I am quite happy for the most of my time

    Nice blog!

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:29 pm #

      Yeah, I’d love to get rid of the TV… I feel like I have enough screens in my life as is.

      Thanks so much! Glad to hear you enjoyed the blog.

  7. The Hook December 1, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

    That first pic rocks! Twitter is actually owned by Satan; he got bored with Facebook.

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

      Took me a while to find it… So that’s a solid payoff for me : )

      Thanks again!

  8. Sandra Parsons December 1, 2011 at 7:53 am #

    I’ll hope you forgive me for rather following your blog than your twitter… errr… twitter feed. Your tweets? You on twitter? Or whatever it’s called.
    Love your writing style, keep them coming.

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:31 pm #

      That’s quite alright Sandra, I wouldn’t follow my Twitter feed either : )

      Thanks for the kind words!

  9. Dounia December 1, 2011 at 8:06 am #

    I’m definitely not a twitter person. If I were, I’d follow you to help you feel accepted. Good luck with the whole twitter experience, hope it works out! Oh, and that’s pretty awesome that you were already freshly pressed for your second post! Clearly if twitter doesn’t work out, your blog seems to be doing pretty good 🙂

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

      No worries Dounia, it’s the thought that counts! : ) Thanks for the encouragement, I hope I can keep it up!

  10. aimee December 1, 2011 at 8:09 am #

    I’m on twitter for the jokes, mostly. To laugh and be laughed at. What’s not to love? 😉

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm #

      It does seem like the perfect medium for it… : )

  11. The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife December 1, 2011 at 8:16 am #

    twitter has been fun, but I am also amazed at the return follows to the spam accounts. people are desperate for love or any type of female attention? anyway, great post.

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:34 pm #

      Right? I was kind of surprised by that…

  12. Melissa Barlow (@mcbarlow36) December 1, 2011 at 9:31 am #

    I’m more than a little ashamed to admit it, but I’ve had fun on twitter lately with some other women who may or may not be cyber-stalking the Kid Rock. Of course, it’s also another place other than facebook to post my narcissistic, introverted blog. Haha!

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:35 pm #

      It’s good to have a hobby : )

  13. BalanceDeb December 1, 2011 at 9:47 am #

    This is hilarious! I created a new twitter account to separate my blog account from my work related account. I’m so embarrassed by my number of followers now. Glad to hear I’m not the only one.

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:35 pm #

      Yeah, right? I almost don’t want to tell people I have one, but that creates kind of a cyclical problem…

  14. yumalife December 1, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

    Hey nice post if you could stop by my blog and chech it out I’m also new so any tips will help
    Thank you.

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:42 pm #

      Hey, I went by the blog but there wasn’t too much to check out yet… So first suggestion: Just start writing. : )

      • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:43 pm #

        Maybe write about how you would change the curriculum if you had to teach the class?

  15. Audra December 1, 2011 at 12:16 pm #

    This is great! I was trying to determine if I should start a twitter account and was trying to figure out its purpose. Now I am clear – it’s just more nonsense to keep people entertained.

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:44 pm #

      Yep, that sounds pretty accurate : ) Although I’m finding that one thing it’s good for is following feeds I actually think are interesting like tech blogs or tech folks. Probably more value in that than trying to become popular and followed : )

  16. dreamsamelia December 1, 2011 at 4:05 pm #

    Try Live-Tweeting C-Span….I’m sure your wry, cheerful snarck will attract followers….but now that they got rid of the “Re-tweets by Others” section, Twitter seems like a more siloed version of the internet, where you’re less likely to meet random people who may shake up your worldview… I only use it to see what’s happening with #OWS (Occupy Wall St.) anymore….

    • macsJF December 1, 2011 at 5:47 pm #

      I’ll have to check it out… I’ve also found that the real use for me has been hearing snippets of info about things I’m interested in rather than trying to gather as many followers as possible.

  17. vixytwix December 11, 2011 at 7:50 am #

    I don’t do twitter. It all looks like gobbledy-gook to me. After reading your post, I’m glad I am tweetless ( or is that twitless?).

    • macsJF December 11, 2011 at 3:56 pm #

      I’m slowly getting used to it, but I’m still a bit baffled. Mostly it’s remembering to post. It’s definitely okay to be tweetless/twitless.

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